Real Talk with the Pastor’s Wife is a blog that focuses on the challenges that the pastor’s wife may encounter in the ministry. As a pastor’s wife of eight years, I have only stretched the surface of challenges that we may face and how they may affect us mentally, physically, and spiritually.

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Real Talk with the Pastor’s Wife was birthed out of my own experience with conflict within the church, especially with other women. I wanted answers to a few questions; God, why are you allowing this to happen? Did we truly hear from God to start the ministry? What did I do wrong? Why do they hate me? I had so many questions that I need God to answer. Have you ever had these questions and feelings?

Maybe we have been asking the wrong questions. We should not ask God, what should I do, but who do you want me to be?  We often have conflict or trials in our lives to make us strong, thus enabling us to become all that God wants us to be. I had to search the scriptures, pray, fast, and seek His face to discover what I should do. When all the while, God's will for my life was looking me right in the face. God wants us to go through this process of conflict and hurt to work some things out of us, so we can stop asking “what” and start asking “who.” Who do you want me to be?

As I looked back on the events, I realized that the ministry began with loving attitudes and focusing on the vision for the first three to four years. Then something happened that I did not have an answer to or an understanding as to why the change occurred. Things started very discreetly, and I just passed it off as they were having a bad day. But, as time went on, things started becoming more and more noticeable. So, what do I do? I confronted the individual at the forefront of discourse, of course, in a loving manner. But, we have to understand that everyone that may seem to be for you, the enemy, will use that very person to try to stop you from doing the will of God.

After the confrontation, things really took a turn for the worst. The individual started pulling other women into their web of lies and deception. Every woman that came into the ministry this individual would start whispering in their ears about their perception of me and the ministry. I was the worst pastor’s wife that they had ever known; this lasted for about a year or more. You may ask why the pastor did not step in and make the necessary correction. Well, I did not tell me about everything that was happening.  I felt that he had enough on his plate because we were just starting the ministry, and he did not need to deal with this petty individual. 

Of course, this individual finally left the ministry, and they made sure that they would take everyone they could with them. However, even after they departed, they still tried to draw those not committed to the ministry. Does this sound familiar? Remember Satan, that falling angel that wanted to be God. He was kicked out of heaven, and he took others with him; this was the same situation.

The bible tells us there is always a chance of offense that may led to conflict within the ministry. We may not always discuss these conflicts with our spouses because we try our best to shield him from any additional stressors as pastor's wives. Therefore, we may keep things that happen in ministry to ourselves and handling them on our own. Sometimes, this is not always the best discussion because it adds all the stress upon our shoulders. God has indeed chosen the pastor to be the head of the ministry; however, the wife has various roles in the ministry's success. The pastor’s wife’s leadership skills to resolve problems within the ministry will allow the pastor to focus on the vision and goals.

In my experience, conflict can get out of hand if you do not address it at its onset or inform the pastor of the problem. I was curious if any other pastor’s wives have experienced some of the same or similar issues that I have encountered. So, I interviewed several wives from different denominations, ministry experiences, length of marriage, age, and ethnicity.  I am examining conflict resolution skills, decision-making abilities, and interpersonal relationship development skills. The interviews revealed that there was a commonality that may spread across different ministries and denominations. Additionally, we discussed if they have developed a plan of action that has resolved or reduced their problems.

My passion is to become the best champion for Christ, pastor’s wife, effective leader, and develop strategies to lessen conflict's pains. Additionally, I am interested in developing strategies and finding out why competition among women is so difficult. God has or will grant us the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding to overcome any life issues.

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